Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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