They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
