im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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