Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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