Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
