Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize