I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
please come you make the beer taste better
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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