well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
