our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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