If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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