i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
