the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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