"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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