She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
