well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
