The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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