Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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