I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
