My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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