it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
