he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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