Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
