Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
