Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
