she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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