Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
