Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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