I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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