Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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