go do what you do best...puke behind churches
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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