Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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