She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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