I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
