why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
