i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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