I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
