hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
