Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
