Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
