just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
