I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I touched a dick in church today
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize