So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
