He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
