maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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