she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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