she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
