the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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