In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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