Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I will be naked everywhere
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize