The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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