Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I touched a dick in church today
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
