He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
