Is it because I queefed?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
