drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
