normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
