So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
