Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
