sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
