And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
