Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
