Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
