you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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