just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
