Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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