ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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