make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
