My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
