I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i think my cat just said my name.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
