It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
