theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
