I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize